Hello all!
So, in the last email, I may have portrayed stakeholders negatively by implying that they only care about themselves. Well, in this email, I will double down on that insulting attitude by suggesting that they also are obsessed with saving face!
Now, I understand this may sound harsh, but the truth is that we all have a tendency to worry about how others see us, especially in a professional environment. It’s human nature to dislike being proven wrong, criticized, or humiliated in front of our colleagues. We become defensive and angry when it happens to us, yet act surprised when our stakeholders respond in a similar manner.
You may believe that you are merely stating facts or advocating for what is “right” for the project. However, if you are not careful, you could unintentionally challenge the authority of a senior staff member, criticize someone’s idea (and indirectly criticize them), or damage their ego in various other ways.
When people feel attacked, they often become more stubborn and defensive than they would be otherwise. This is especially true when their ego is bruised, which can make them argumentative and unreasonable. Therefore, it’s important to be mindful of this and try to avoid damaging people’s egos when possible.
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Of course, we should not blindly accept every unreasonable demand made by a stakeholder or give up on our own plans when met with opposition. However, our manner of response is so incredibly important. With this in mind, here are four techniques I use.
Keep calm and carry on
Firstly, take a deep breath! It’s important not to let your own ego get bruised and respond aggressively to stakeholders, who are usually not acting maliciously, even if they are annoying. If you allow yourself to get worked up, they will as well, and the situation will quickly spiral out of control.
It’s important not to come across as too attached to your position, as this will only encourage them to respond in kind. Keep an open mind and let them know that you are looking for the best solution, whatever that may be.
Speak to the person directly
Next, and I cannot emphasize this enough, speak to them over Zoom, in person, or on a phone call. Do not use email or Slack.
The key to success when it comes to making stakeholders feel comfortable is your tone. They need to hear and see you are not being confrontational. That is incredibly hard to achieve in text.
So the moment you feel any friction or resistance from a stakeholder, switch to audio or video. It will save you a lot of pain in the long run.
That said, although a meeting may seem like a suitable example of this, it is not.
Tackle it one-to-one
When in a meeting with others, it’s best to avoid addressing any issues that come up on the spot, especially if the person opposing you is more senior or believes themselves to be more senior than you. If you challenge them in front of others, they may become defensive as they are very conscious of how they appear to others.
It’s even worse if you have a strong argument because that will only make them feel more foolish. Instead, tell them that you need some time to consider what they’ve said and that you’ll get back to them within a day or so. Then, after the meeting, talk to them one-on-one. You’ll find that they are much more receptive in private.
However, the best approach is to anticipate their objections and address them before the meeting even happens.
Preempt them wherever possible
The moment someone expresses their opinion, they associate themselves with it. Therefore, any criticism of the opinion is perceived as a criticism of them. Now, you can address objections using the techniques I have already covered. However, the best approach is to address the opinion before it’s expressed.
Of course, you’re not a mind reader, but you can predict people’s objections more often than you think. Sometimes, you might go into a meeting hoping that no one will raise a particular issue. Instead of hoping, raise it yourself.
For example, suppose you’re presenting a design, and you’re pretty sure someone in the room will complain that the logo isn’t big enough. If you wait for them to say it, they’ll associate themselves with the idea and defend it. However, if you preempt their objection by suggesting that some people in the room might be worried that the logo isn’t big enough and then explain why it isn’t filling half the page, those who were thinking it have the option to remain quiet without losing face.
We all get defensive sometimes.
You might find yourself annoyed by the number of hoops you need to jump through to avoid hurting someone’s feelings. However, remember that we all get defensive when our ideas are shot down. Being respectful and avoiding hurting someone’s feelings is a fundamental aspect of working as part of a team.
The team aspect is incredibly important, which is why I want to focus on it next time.
Until then, thanks for reading, and feel free to reach out if you have any questions.
Thanks, Paul
P.S. Don’t forget to share this series on managing stakeholders with your colleagues. They can subscribe from the beginning of the series here.
