Hello everyone.
Today, I want to share with you the one piece of advice regarding working with stakeholders that tends to get the biggest reaction from those I coach. However, if you bear with me, I hope you will see the logic in my madness.
Never say no to stakeholders.
Never say no to stakeholders. Seriously, stop telling them no. No is confrontational. No leaves no room for compromise or discussion. No alienates and undermines relationships.
No is often a lie.
Also, in many situations, saying no is a lie. Developers are terrible when it comes to this last point. Ask a developer if something is possible, and they will tell you no. But that is rarely true. When it comes to technology, most things are possible with unlimited money and time. When a developer says no, what they mean is that it is not possible within the constraints that have been placed upon them.
Saying no fails to educate.
The problem is that a flat no does nothing to educate the stakeholders about the constraints and removes the stakeholders’ options. But, worst of all, it makes the person who says no look like the roadblock rather than the blame being placed on whoever established the constraints.
So, what should we do instead if we want to avoid no?
Alternatives to saying no.
For a start, we want to provide context. For example, instead of saying, “No, that isn’t possible,” our developer should say, “That will prove challenging within the constraints we face.“
Of course, not every interaction is as black and white as that. We often desire to say no because our stakeholder wants to do something stupid.
Highlight the consequences.
In such situations, we need to start by highlighting the consequences of the request. For example,
“I would prefer to avoid that because it will undermine the user experience, impacting the number of leads the website generates.”
Notice that I am educating the stakeholders and tying it back to something they care about – website leads.
Also, pay attention to how I have softened my language. Instead of saying it is a bad idea or outright no, I say, “I would prefer to avoid that.“
Ask questions.
But we can go even further. We can reframe the consequences as a question. So, for example, we could say,
“Yes, I can do that for you. However, I wanted to check if you are okay with this potentially leading to a decline in website leads?”
Notice how much more positive this feels. You start out by saying yes rather than no. Also, framing the objection as a question makes it less aggressive.
You can use the same approach if they challenge your assumption. For example, if they argue that it won’t negatively impact conversion, you can say,
“Okay, would you like to confirm that with a bit of quick testing, or are you happy to take the risk?”
People rarely like to be seen as taking a risk in business.
Provide choices.
Notice how it gives the stakeholder a choice. They can test or take the risk. This is another excellent way to soften your objections. I used to do this with my toddler all the time. She would say no if I asked if she wanted some fruit. However, if I offered her a banana or an apple, she would end up with some fruit either way, but she didn’t consider that she could say no. Believe it or not, the same approach works for adults.
Encourage empathy.
However, one more way to avoid a hard no is to encourage stakeholders to see things from your perspective.
Of course, people don’t care much about your problems in most cases, but if it is worded right, they will feel obliged to behave like they do.
So, I might say something like,
“Yeah, I can do that for you, but it does leave me in a tricky position as this will undermine the user experience and reduce the number of website leads. I am worried I could get the blame if this happens.”
It is a particularly hard-nosed stakeholder who turns around and says, “That is your problem.” By using a bit of emotional blackmail, you can make people consider things from your perspective.
Do you have a podcast, run an event, or publish a blog? I want to encourage people to sign up for this newsletter, so if you are willing to have me on as a guest, I may be interested. Drop me a reply.
Combine techniques.
You can even combine this with the question approach. For example,
“Yeah, I can do that for you, but it leaves me with a little problem. I am hoping you might have some ideas about how to solve it. This approach will undermine the user experience and likely cause a drop in conversion. Do you have any ideas on how we might mitigate this? I am struggling.”
Highlighting the problem as a question and combining it with asking the stakeholder for help forces them to start considering the consequences of their idea while avoiding a direct confrontation. It also reframes the consequences as being something you need to solve together rather than it being your problem.
A flat no is rarely required.
Hopefully, you can see why picking your words makes a difference and why a blunt no does nothing to win over the stakeholder. So next time you need to say no, ask a question instead. This is designed to gently educate the stakeholders about the problem while encouraging them to consider how to address it with you.
Of course, this is easy to talk about in theory, but knowing how to approach it in practice can be challenging. So, if you find yourself in a position where you feel like you are saying no a lot, book a coaching taster session, and we can explore the specific situation you find yourself in. And always, don’t forget to share this email series with colleagues struggling with managing stakeholders.
